"It's a little bit funny
this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide"
but i hide my secret since it happened til the day i die i think.
nowdays i wonder whether i can be treated as a maltreated and sexual abused child. i dont know whether i am normal or absolutely different from others.
i always tried to act like i have no pain deep in my heart. i never wanted to be treated like some miserable kid.
mom and brother always acted soi strange. they always fighting and shouting. all i wanted is silence. to close my eyes and feel the silence. i couldnt bear seeing mom and brother killing eachother in front of my eyes...so i closed it. and i saw beautiful things inside. tears of lovers, sisters and brothers holding eachother, orphans looking for happiness in this big and scary world.
ive written down a lot of my dreams in my diary. every night as soon as i closed my eyes the machine of imagination switched on and showed me pictures of the unknown. all i wanted was falling in love with somebody who could take me away from home. i wanted to be a bride.
and when ive become one...i felt like im way too young to be one. i cant escape from home. and i dont want to.
i want to feel love and passion and start all over again. with the same people somewhere else. with mom and dad holding hands. with brother playing with me in the garden. with the kittens weve had long ago.
i wish i could born again and do the same things...and everyone to do what they never did.
mom...dad...love me and take care of me cause ive lost the way back in time.
